If you have just had your first baby, or are expecting them shortly, you might be envisioning all of those wonderful memories you are going to make with your little bundle of joy. A natural question to have at this point is, will they even like me? The honest answer is of course they will, but it may take a little work! Your relationship with your child will undoubtedly develop and evolve over the years but it is essential to lay the foundation for that relationship early. This article seeks to establish a framework for which you, as a new father, can reference to make sure you solidify the bond with your child early.
What does it mean to bond with my baby?
Bonding refers to the intense passion and affection you feel towards your little one. It is the emotional connection you feel towards your baby that is strong enough to put a smile on your face when they laugh and burn a hole in your heart when they cry. Bonding with your newborn is integral to the baby’s development, helping them grow mentally and physically. Bonding is an equally important part of your development as a father in your young one’s life. You will need to grow into your role as the pillar they lean on and their protector.
Is it okay that I don’t feel a connection with my newborn right away?
Absolutely. As men, we are at a distinct disadvantage in terms of bonding because we are not the ones carrying the babies, developing that bond every second of every day. There is no reason to feel ashamed if you don’t have an instant connection with your baby; it may just be something you need to work on. As a father, though, you need to continue to work at developing and strengthening this bond, even if you do feel an instant connection. This bond will be what motivates you to long your child unconditionally and do everything in your power to protect them and give them the best possible life they can have.
What are some ways I can better bond with my baby?
- Begin bonding with your baby in utero. Talk to the baby frequently so they can begin to familiarize themselves with your voice. They will recognize your voice long before they can recognize your face.
- Interact with your baby early and often. Hold your baby as soon as you can once they are born, and keep holding them close every chance you get. Make time to interact and play with your newborn. Even though they don’t understand the nuance of these interactions, they appreciate the effort, and it will go a long way towards building your relationship with one another.
- Use skin-to-skin contact when possible. Skin-to-skin contact is soothing for both you and the baby. Gently rubbing and patting your baby is a great way to touch your child in a meaningful way, and they will certainly appreciate it. If you run warm, as I do, it may be best to limit the duration of skin-to-skin sessions, especially during the summer, as you want to avoid overheating your newborn.
- Sing to your baby. I started singing to my son the night we brought him home. I wanted to have the memory of singing the same song to him and develop his understanding and appreciation of music. I continued to sing him “Piano Man” by Billy Joel before bed almost every evening. Soon it became one of the most consistent ways to put him to sleep, no matter how fussy he was. I also found that making up silly songs and beatboxing was a great way to keep myself and my son amused.
- Embrace diaper changes and feedings. More than likely, you won’t have the luxury of avoiding having to change diapers, and that’s okay. Diaper changes are a great way to bond with your baby. Dirty and wet diapers are one of the most common reasons for a fussing newborn, aside from hunger. Changing the diaper relieves your baby and empowers you as a father to feel like you are contributing meaningfully. If you are bottle-feeding or have the capacity to bottle-feed, feeding your newborn is another fantastic way to strengthen the bond with your child for much the same reason as diaper changes.
- Babywear when the time is right. Babywearing is an alternative to a stroller and allows for enhanced bonding with your child as you carry them out into the world in a sling or other form of carrier. See our article here for some of the manliest carriers on the market. Babywearing allows you to remain active and hands-free so that you can take on the world while giving your child the comfort and safety of being snuggled in tight against your chest.
- Include your baby in your activities. Even though your newborn baby might not understand what you are doing, having them there with you is a great way to develop your relationship with your baby further. Including your baby in your hobbies and interests can foster an environment of mutual appreciation for the activity and a closer relationship as your baby grows and becomes more aware.